So, there really is no important content to this post. I just can't post a vlog because i'm at school and i'm not comfortable enough with public vloging. I also can't post on twitter or facebook because I think this is gonna be too long. Plus, I use tumblr mostly for pictures and nobody O know follows this blog so I figured it's pretty safe. This is basically a rant about nothing.
I don't even know where to start. I guess i can start with the fact that I just barely passed my english class with a C. That's good that I passed but the part that bugs me is that I barely passed. I don't get it. It pisses me off that the only reason I'm at school is because my mom wants me to be here. The only reason I have the job that I have now is because my mom wants me to have one. The only reason i'm trying to get my driver's license is because my mom wants me to have one. Yeah, i'm an adult but it sucks that I have to do what she wants me to do. A lot of parents pay for their kids's education. I understand that my parents don't have money to pay for a big university. That's completely understandable. What bugs me is that the only reason I didn't apply there anyway is because whenever I would mention it, the first thing my mom would say is, "we can't afford that." I KNOW!!! I wasn't asking her to pay for it. I could've applied for financial aid. Why didn't I? Because whenever she would say that, it would completely squash my dreams and I wouldn't want to even try. But I did my best to pick myself back up again. That was high school.
In the beginning of this semester, I came to see a counselor at my community college. It's what my parents could afford and what they wanted me to do. When my counselor mentioned financial aid, my mom said, "i keep telling her to do that." Making me look like I was stupid! I remember quite a few times trying to get her to get all the papers ready so I can fill it out and she was always the one to put it off for later. WTF!!!! Now it's the end of the semester, I'm making 8/hr at a part time job on campus and I'm going nowhere. I don't see how a freaking algebra class and getting my AA is gonna help me get an acting career started!!! I understand that I'm probably going nowhere and that nobody can really make a living off of my career choice. I don't need my own freaking mother to tell me that! Everyone else around me is telling me that! My mom is supposed to be the one to tell me I can. She recently decided to show me "tough love" but this isn't tough. It's just cruel. I understand the idea o a backup plan but telling me that Im not gonna make it isn't cool. It's basically telling me that I suck. I was good for a high schooler but now, having a passion for theatre as an adult is unacceptable. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I want to cry and scream and kick and throw a fit but I can't because I'm sitting in the cafeteria of my college, wasting time until I start my shift at work.
I sometimes consider changing my major but theatre is the only thing other than music that I enjoy and that I'm actually good at. I would hate to be one of those people who hates their job and always asks "what if?" I don't know what to do. I'm stuck just doing what my mom wants me to do. What do I do?
